Magic Of Being A Mommy!

It utterly amazes me how being a mommy changes a person, i.e. I'm not quite the party animal I used to be! Unless of course you consider flannel jam-jams & thinking about bedtime by 6pm, party animal type stuff! In which case I'm an over the top party animal! Whether you are a biological, adoptive or step mommy, it's all just caring for & nurturing little lives! Helping to mold them into the people they will someday become! With hard work, consistent rules & boundaries and a small amount of luck they will grow up to be honest, trust worthy, caring, responsible members of society! At least that's your hope!

Whoever said being a parent, & more specifically a mommy, was going to be easy was an absolute loon (whether or not any person has actually ever really said that is beyond me)! It is by far and without a doubt the most difficult position I have ever held! Am I doing it right? Is anything I'm saying making any difference what so ever? Will the lessons we're teaching ever "click"? Am I going to ruin this little being by doing or saying the wrong thing? Will soggy, mashed Cheerios ever really come out of the upholstery?

I certainly don't have even half of the answers when it comes to raising children but I feel like parenting is a mixture of many different sources: How we ourselves were raised; by watching how people with whom we are close parent their children; and things we've learned in classes or by reading books (ok, maybe not so much from books, especially those written by single, childless authors!)! Mostly though I feel like our greatest parenting skills are fed by our instincts and our desire to make the absolute best choices possible for our kids!

I've known since I was very young that I wanted to be a mommy but it didn't happen the conventional way for me! It just so happens that I met & fell madly in love with a man who came with some pretty cute baggage! Even though I knew he had kids (ok, one kid & one on the way-don't ask, it's a long story) and all of the unsavory stuff that comes along with a previous marriage I decided that a life on a roller coaster ride was far better than any life I would have without them! It hasn't been all roses though, even in a home full of love! I have often struggled with the fact that I am not my daughters biological mother! Not that biology is what makes a family or a happy home for that matter but I am the only person in my home not related by blood! Some days that thought is absolutely overwhelming and other days I don't think twice about it! This does however, at least partly explain why my furniture is so often rearranged!

I first met Savannah just after she turned two and over the years she has asked me how come I can love her like my own baby even though she didn't come out of my tummy! I've always told her that even though she didn't come out of my body, my heart doesn't know that and loves her just as much as if she had! She would always just giggle & snuggle in close to me whenever I would tell her that! She & I are very close & talk about everything together and we are so much alike it's absurd! This fact explains why we sometimes clash with each other! Even with all of that clashing we sometimes encounter it has been such an amazing journey watching her grow & change into one of the most beautiful & unique human beings I've ever had the privilege to know! I may not have given her life but I feel so lucky to have been given the honor of being her mommy! There is absolutely nothing better in this entire world!

Since Savannah was very little and first asked if it was ok if she called me mommy we haven't used the term "step" in our household! We always knew we wanted to add future babies to our family but we never wanted her to feel as though she wasn't just as much a part of our family as they will be! We never forced it on her though! We always said that so long as she never called me anything mean or inappropriate she could call me whatever felt safe to her inside where all of her feelings are!We are just a family and that is all that matters to us! Of course over the years being her biological mother would have saved us a lot of grief and legal fees! But we've worked so hard to get where we are today I don't think we would be fully appreciative of everything we have now had we not had so many struggles! We have had legal residential custody of Savannah since January 2007 and are now on friendly terms with her biological mother. We have all grown up & matured so much which helps immensely! Joe, Savannah & I are very happy and her mother, step-father & sister Isabelle seem to be as well! What more can you ask out of life really?!

Since hitting the ripe old age of 33 a few weeks ago my already turbo charged biological clock has been ticking over-time! My medical problems combined with an aging body don't exactly make me a
fertile-mertile! Of course neither does the fact that my libido is working up a hard sweat and my husbands is out in left field chasing it's own tail! Though I absolutely hold out hope that I will someday be able to carry & deliver a baby of my own I try to take comfort in the solace that even though we miscarried a baby, I have been blessed enough to have carried a precious life inside of me & through raising Savannah I have felt the magic of being a mommy! It hasn't always been a smooth road but I wouldn't change us for all the tea in China!