Even though I knew school started on August 24th this year it came as almost a shock! Such a shock, in fact, that I was not even close to my regularly prepared mommy self! I hadn't labeled any of my daughter's supplies, forgot to buy her a lunch box (until after I picked her up...on the 1st day of school!) and couldn't even seem to get her to bed by her school night bedtime of 8pm the night before her 1st day!!! Seriously? What is my freakin problem?! Except to say that I took care of several small children over the summer, some of them a bit challenging, I have no really good excuse!
This being my daughters last year of middle school I am in a slight panic! How can this be happening already?! Where has the time gone? I first met her just after her 2nd birthday and have loved her ever since! It's always just been such a natural emotion! When I first fell in love with a man I knew to have kids I had no idea I would feel so strongly! I have just always loved her as though she were mine! True, I've never given birth but I have been pregnant & I know how much I already loved my baby! I'd have given my own life for him to have been born & for me to have held him just once! That is exactly how I feel about my daughter! There's nothing I wouldn't do for her! So the thought of her growing up as quickly as she has scares the crap out of me!
When I start to feel the nostalgia associated with "Back To School" it does warm my heart to the fact that my daughter has the opportunity to do it better than I did! She has the chance to never make the mistakes I've made! She has a whole school career ahead of her with which to do awesome incredible things for her own future! Regardless of how her growing up makes me feel, it IS happening and there is no denying that school is in session!
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Friday, August 5, 2011
Life's Mystery
One of the scariest thoughts I have on a regular basis is one day being gone from my family & friends or losing one of them. As much as you try not to dwell on the fact that the circle of life has no prejudice it is still bothersome when tragedy strikes.
With the most recent loss suffered by our little community, whether or not you know the crash victims, it is still tragic and senseless. How are you supposed to process & digest senseless tragedy? I am not religious. In fact, I do not believe in god and with the exception of about a week in middle school, have not for my whole life. Except to say that I am a very spiritual person, my reasons are my own and I will leave it at that (feel free to ask about my beliefs as I am not ashamed, just didn't want to get into that discussion in this particular post). But, religious or not, spiritual or not, it is still hard to understand how good people can have such tragic accidents yet rotten people sometimes go unscathed! Can someone please explain this to me?
I am one of those people who tries really hard to find the good out of any situation but sometimes life makes that an almost impossible goal. Even though I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason I find it really hard to swallow when things like the recent accident happen & take the life of a new father & threaten the lives of both a new mother & a three week old baby. How can there possibly be a good reason for this?
There will always be such questions to ponder so long as we are among the living and there will more than likely never be palatable answers that will give us any comfort. The religious have the answers that make them feel safe, as do, I imagine, those that believe in nothing at all! I will take comfort in the fact that when it is my time, tragic or of old age, though I will still not want to go, it will be the next cycle of my journey. In the mean time: I will make the absolute most out of every single second I am blessed to live; I will Control what I can control & deal with the rest as it is laid upon me; I will find the beauty in everything & everyone around me; I will focus only on those people & things worthy of my precious time & attention; I will take better care of my health as to not waste the gift of life I've been given; I will treasure the memories I have of those whom I love & have passed; I will always show my loved ones just how much they mean to me! I will always be true to myself; I will care for this planet while I am here borrowing it's offerings & return it in better condition than I found it; and I will try always to be a positive force for whom my family & friends can rely!
I still find tremendous sadness in the fact that there is tragedy all around us. I don't think I would be able to consider myself a caring human being if that was not the case. I do however want to take something positive out of each tragedy in the hopes of making the lives of others better in some way. Perhaps the notion that we are supposed to search & find the answer to some deep mystery of life is simply a waste of our precious time & energy. Maybe the mystery of life isn't supposed to be found but rather embraced, lived & enjoyed!
With the most recent loss suffered by our little community, whether or not you know the crash victims, it is still tragic and senseless. How are you supposed to process & digest senseless tragedy? I am not religious. In fact, I do not believe in god and with the exception of about a week in middle school, have not for my whole life. Except to say that I am a very spiritual person, my reasons are my own and I will leave it at that (feel free to ask about my beliefs as I am not ashamed, just didn't want to get into that discussion in this particular post). But, religious or not, spiritual or not, it is still hard to understand how good people can have such tragic accidents yet rotten people sometimes go unscathed! Can someone please explain this to me?
I am one of those people who tries really hard to find the good out of any situation but sometimes life makes that an almost impossible goal. Even though I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason I find it really hard to swallow when things like the recent accident happen & take the life of a new father & threaten the lives of both a new mother & a three week old baby. How can there possibly be a good reason for this?
There will always be such questions to ponder so long as we are among the living and there will more than likely never be palatable answers that will give us any comfort. The religious have the answers that make them feel safe, as do, I imagine, those that believe in nothing at all! I will take comfort in the fact that when it is my time, tragic or of old age, though I will still not want to go, it will be the next cycle of my journey. In the mean time: I will make the absolute most out of every single second I am blessed to live; I will Control what I can control & deal with the rest as it is laid upon me; I will find the beauty in everything & everyone around me; I will focus only on those people & things worthy of my precious time & attention; I will take better care of my health as to not waste the gift of life I've been given; I will treasure the memories I have of those whom I love & have passed; I will always show my loved ones just how much they mean to me! I will always be true to myself; I will care for this planet while I am here borrowing it's offerings & return it in better condition than I found it; and I will try always to be a positive force for whom my family & friends can rely!
I still find tremendous sadness in the fact that there is tragedy all around us. I don't think I would be able to consider myself a caring human being if that was not the case. I do however want to take something positive out of each tragedy in the hopes of making the lives of others better in some way. Perhaps the notion that we are supposed to search & find the answer to some deep mystery of life is simply a waste of our precious time & energy. Maybe the mystery of life isn't supposed to be found but rather embraced, lived & enjoyed!
Monday, August 1, 2011
Dawn Of A New Age!
When I was very young I used to say , jokingly, that when I turned 40 I would want to off myself as to not suffer from wrinkles or old age! I look back now, from the young age of 33 and wish I could contact my younger self and give her a heads up on what's to come!
Just think if we could enlighten our younger selves and educate them on the error of our ways, how much heartache we could spare them! On the other hand, if life really worked that way how much would we actually learn? How could we become better people throughout our lives if we didn't stumble along the way & make mistakes?
I am actually enjoying the aging process! I admit I'm a bit more liberal with the eye serum these days! I am also much more apt to apply sun block in a think coating! I am much more aware of the foods my family & I eat and demand we all take multi-vitamins! The younger me didn't think there would ever come a time when health would be a higher priority than partying! Now days, even on kid-less evenings, such as the one we had last night, I'd rather crawl into my comfy bed with my husband than be at a bar drinking!
Did that seriously just come out of my mouth? Yup, it sure did! And at the rate I'm going it won't be the last time it will do so!
I find myself evaluating life on a daily basis! Not in the obsessive, paranoid sense, but rather as a means of treasuring each and every second I've been given in this life! With the tragic accidents, death & loss our little community has faced in the recent past I've been finding it necessary to check in with how fortunate we really are in this life. I find myself looking forward to the feelings of even the smallest achievements; tender moments with my husband, family & friends; summer months for BBQ's & outdoor activities; fall & winter for the snuggle time I know is eminent; spring time for the cleaning & rejuvenation we all need by the end of our long winter season!
There are still so many things I have yet to achieve in this lifetime and now that I'm older I am appreciating so much more than I ever could have in my early twenties! Does that make me old? I suppose to my younger self it does! For my current self though, it is just simply the dawn of a new age! A new age in which the possibilities are beautiful and endless!
Just think if we could enlighten our younger selves and educate them on the error of our ways, how much heartache we could spare them! On the other hand, if life really worked that way how much would we actually learn? How could we become better people throughout our lives if we didn't stumble along the way & make mistakes?
I am actually enjoying the aging process! I admit I'm a bit more liberal with the eye serum these days! I am also much more apt to apply sun block in a think coating! I am much more aware of the foods my family & I eat and demand we all take multi-vitamins! The younger me didn't think there would ever come a time when health would be a higher priority than partying! Now days, even on kid-less evenings, such as the one we had last night, I'd rather crawl into my comfy bed with my husband than be at a bar drinking!
Did that seriously just come out of my mouth? Yup, it sure did! And at the rate I'm going it won't be the last time it will do so!
I find myself evaluating life on a daily basis! Not in the obsessive, paranoid sense, but rather as a means of treasuring each and every second I've been given in this life! With the tragic accidents, death & loss our little community has faced in the recent past I've been finding it necessary to check in with how fortunate we really are in this life. I find myself looking forward to the feelings of even the smallest achievements; tender moments with my husband, family & friends; summer months for BBQ's & outdoor activities; fall & winter for the snuggle time I know is eminent; spring time for the cleaning & rejuvenation we all need by the end of our long winter season!
There are still so many things I have yet to achieve in this lifetime and now that I'm older I am appreciating so much more than I ever could have in my early twenties! Does that make me old? I suppose to my younger self it does! For my current self though, it is just simply the dawn of a new age! A new age in which the possibilities are beautiful and endless!
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