Wow, I can't believe it's already been six months since we brought our beautiful son into this world! I've heard people say forever how fast time flies when you have kids but I don't think it really sinks in until you have babies of your own!
It's been so fun watching all of Austins little milestones; from rolling over to his first word...MOMMA!!! He is such an incredible little human being and I only hope I'm doing him justice as his momma! I feel so inadequate sometimes around him, like maybe I'm not attached enough to him or that somehow someone else would be doing a better job with him.
This morning I got upset with him when he tried pulling the poopy diaper out from under his bottom, while I was trying hot to get poop everywhere! I kind of chuckle to myself now but at that moment it really hit me that he's only a six month old baby. I don't know if raising someone else's child for so many years, not to mention a child who wasn't your ordinary kid, has jaded my view of where kids should be at different ages. If that even makes any sense at all! I definitely have things to work on as a mother! I want Austin, and any other babies we're blessed to conceive and deliver, to know that they are my entire world! I never want them to feel like they're not good enough! I want them always to feel good about themselves and never like they're bad!
I really fear when they get older, especially the age Joe's kids are now. I'm sure that's just because of the issues we've had with them, especially Savannah, over the years. I just have to remind myself to breathe and remember that our kids are different. They've come from different circumstances and they won't have the same struggles as the other two. For that I feel very fortunate!
Sometimes I feel like life is so out of control and moving so quickly that I'm missing too many things! Trying to maintain a clean & healthy home, keep up with bills & groceries and trying to spend every second of the day with Austin! Sometimes I just wish there was a pause button on life so it would be easier to slow things down for a while! Of course then there's the movie Click where he wants to fast forward through things and ends up nearly losing everything!
I will most likely never feel like I'm achieving great balance in my life so I guess I'll just enjoy what is my beautiful, wonderful craziness and be damn lucky to have it at all!
